I don’t have it all together. I never said I did. I pretended for a long time. I am not pretending anymore. I need Jesus more than I have ever needed Him before. Constantly, in every circumstance, in every moment. I am finally starting to understand the truth behind Jesus’ words in John 15:5 (NIV), “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.”
Disconnected from Him, I quickly wither away. I faint. I fail. I am lost like a sheep without a shepherd. Without Him, even the simplest of setbacks or trials make me fold up into a broken man in desperate need. This is really hard. I feel like I am about to fall apart. Another round of weeping is just around the corner. People who “know” me at work or casually have marveled in the past at my ability to remain calm under pressure, to endure lots of stress or hardship, but it has all caught up to me. My strength is gone. My ability is failing. My emotions are all coming out. I need some comfort from the Comforter.
“You need to rest in my presence. Rest in my truth. Trust me. I am with you. I am for you. My love never fails. My comfort for you is complete. My words are true. I speak to you tenderly. I am the Good Shepherd. I will care for you and all your needs, son.”
This is what it looks like for me to follow Jesus. This is how I get through the day. It is not easy. No one promised me it would be. I am taking things one day at a time. Prayers are appreciated.